the silence

i wonder
what am i doing?
i wonder
what have i did?
i wonder
what will i do later?

you were mine
you care, you mind, you wanted everything
i was happy
that both you and i love in depth

we have been come across those silly unimportant problems
we argue
we regret
we apologize
and we love again

i've tried my best to not to get crazy on you that much
i cry
i hide
i emo'
and, i fall

that's painful
my heart has been tear into pieces
and i wanted to sew it back
slowly,
there would be a wound
slowly,
the heart beating slow
slowly,
it stopped
that's the end, of the story?

it is so scary when the silence appear
no argument
no regret
no apologise

i wonder
do you still love me?

i felt no
when you say you are with others
it is not a suitable time for me to talk to you
except the minute before you went to bed
"how are you?
anything to tell me?
no?
okay, good night, bye..."
i didn't tell you that i wanted you to call me again
but i wish that i could have it
so i wait, and wait...
everyday, for few(or should i say, many?) years...
and i keep my eyes on the screen
screening on the call log...
reading the messages...

i felt yes
when you call back and pour a little bit caring
i was down
i was crying
but right after the minute you call
i lost
i drive wrong way
i wonder what i need to do the next
my mind totally went blank

i hide
that's why i call myself tortoise
i need hard protection
i don't want to let anyone see my crying face
it's hard to stop the tears that dropped out automatically
that's why i hide

i wish that i'm happy
keep doing silly thing and talking nonsense
so that my friends will have my smile and laughter
they won't feel stickyness since i'm pretending
i think i am good in acting
or, i am a good liar

my life was so dull
i like the way you live your life
that's why i'm yours

i wish to say that you're mine
but i dare not to say that
when the silence begin
you are out of my expectation
perhaps that's what you urge for
just, because i was with you,
i was controlling
and now you oppose

still
the silence drive me mad
i am pretending that i don't care
i hope that you are pretending too...