unconcious

please
you are not my master
i don't want to live under your control
the note that i copy and paste is just bullshit for me
8 years
i have no thought about how did i go through these 8 years
i was just a puppet, a pet, or a slave
i listen all your words
i follow your feelings
i have no right to go against your decision
i'm tired, and i feel bored on what i have done
and in the end, what did i get?
nothing
i have nothing

not your fault
i dare not to say it's your fault
it's all my fault
i'm silly
i'm nonsense
that's why i should have this stupid life now

marry me?
what a big joke for me
if you were to tell me this 2 months ago
i think i'll cry out loud because of...
I'VE GOT MY HAPPINESS FINALLY
somehow
you're late
so now it's your turn to wait
i didn't mean to revenge
just that, i'm awake
i have my own plan
to live my own life

LOVE no longer a sweet word for me
it will just bring me tears and pain
and it's damn hurt
tell me
where were you when i was waiting for you?
and now your turn to stop me for doing anything that could make me happy
i wonder
what you want actually
now i'm totally senseless
and i wish that i could be unconcious for the rest of my life
so that i won't feel pain, at least...

finally... it turns to a habit

i never realised
until someone told me
not to walk behind him
but i have already use to it
i don't know where should i go
i'm always a follower
it turns to a habit
that i always looking at someone's back and keep following
like a slave
without confidence
without direction
i feel scare when i'm walking alone
i don't want someone follow behind me
i feel really unsafe to have someone follow behind me
it is a nightmare
i rather holding someone's shirt, someone's bag, or whatever
at least i know who is in front of me
and he or she will know
when i'm pulling their shirt or bag
means that i'm following
i'm just a follower
a mousy follower...

i met a devil yesterday night...

it is black
with evil eyes, and smile
but i feel warm when i saw it
its tail injured
but i can't help
it is round
i feel comfortable when hugging it
i put my chin between the horn
it is smooth and makes me feel sleepy
i'm safe...
coz it is big...
it makes me feel safe...
i was hugging it
it is a very kind devil
it keeps smiling and never hurt me
i feel safe...
when i met the devil...

at the edge of abyss

help me...
i don't wanna fall
i'm scare
i'm alone
it's dark
it's bottomless
help...
the cold wind made my face tingle
give me a warm hand
so i could feel the safe
the mist blocked my sight
give me a warm hand
to get me out of here

you there?
i heard the echoes
but no one answered
yes
i'm alone, again...

the silence

i wonder
what am i doing?
i wonder
what have i did?
i wonder
what will i do later?

you were mine
you care, you mind, you wanted everything
i was happy
that both you and i love in depth

we have been come across those silly unimportant problems
we argue
we regret
we apologize
and we love again

i've tried my best to not to get crazy on you that much
i cry
i hide
i emo'
and, i fall

that's painful
my heart has been tear into pieces
and i wanted to sew it back
slowly,
there would be a wound
slowly,
the heart beating slow
slowly,
it stopped
that's the end, of the story?

it is so scary when the silence appear
no argument
no regret
no apologise

i wonder
do you still love me?

i felt no
when you say you are with others
it is not a suitable time for me to talk to you
except the minute before you went to bed
"how are you?
anything to tell me?
no?
okay, good night, bye..."
i didn't tell you that i wanted you to call me again
but i wish that i could have it
so i wait, and wait...
everyday, for few(or should i say, many?) years...
and i keep my eyes on the screen
screening on the call log...
reading the messages...

i felt yes
when you call back and pour a little bit caring
i was down
i was crying
but right after the minute you call
i lost
i drive wrong way
i wonder what i need to do the next
my mind totally went blank

i hide
that's why i call myself tortoise
i need hard protection
i don't want to let anyone see my crying face
it's hard to stop the tears that dropped out automatically
that's why i hide

i wish that i'm happy
keep doing silly thing and talking nonsense
so that my friends will have my smile and laughter
they won't feel stickyness since i'm pretending
i think i am good in acting
or, i am a good liar

my life was so dull
i like the way you live your life
that's why i'm yours

i wish to say that you're mine
but i dare not to say that
when the silence begin
you are out of my expectation
perhaps that's what you urge for
just, because i was with you,
i was controlling
and now you oppose

still
the silence drive me mad
i am pretending that i don't care
i hope that you are pretending too...